


Death

by ariapassionflower01



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: A few frightening images, Gen, dying, the afterlife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 21:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1201498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariapassionflower01/pseuds/ariapassionflower01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being stabbed by Doyle, Emily gets a glimpse of the afterlife, but its nothing like she thought. Is there a way to change what happens after she dies and will she make it through to ensure that change?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the awesome episode "Epilogue." During a discussion about the case, the team talks about what happens after death and Reid says he saw a bright light, but Emily says, "All I saw was darkness." If you haven't watched this episode yet, I encourage you to! Its S7 E6

Death wasn't anything like I thought it would be. Or didn't think that it would be.  
Despite my line of work, I'd never really given much thought to the Afterlife. Always, the main goal in any level of law enforcement is to go home at night and I had always been able to achieve that. Beyond this rule, I didn't really consider.  
No one ever thinks that they're going to die unexpectedly or at a young age. Perhaps I should've expected it. No, now I know that I should've. I should've seen it coming from a mile away. But maybe I had compartmentalized too well this time. I had cut myself off from Death because I experienced it so often. I saw the bodies of those murdered ever day. Even at the most grotesque crime scenes I always managed to keep my cool, stay objective, and never, never make it personal.  
However, that was the problem. It was personal and because of that my focus faded. I allowed him to get in my head and that was my downfall. But that split second of openness closed as soon as he stabbed me. Once again, I steeled myself, disengaged. The pain in my stomach, in my entire body, was one dull ache, and even as the dim light of the warehouse faded in and out, I hardly felt anything. I didn't realize why until my friend found me.  
He begged me not to go and I even surprised myself as the words struggled past my lips Let me go. Then it came over me. What more was there to live for? My life in the BAU was ruined. Two families were dead. My team was heartbroken. I would never see the true face of my lover ever again. The only child I had ever loved was probably going to die when he was found. I had failed.  
I realized that I was dying. It comforted me to feel his hands holding mine for the last few moments of my Life. I could hear his voice, rife with emotion, more than I had ever seen him display before. I gripped his hands back, knowing my time was short. I could feel my heart pounding, pumping blood towards the wound, staining my shirt, his hands and the floor. And in that second, the fear took me. Shivers wracked my body as I hung onto the last bit of consciousness. What would happen after I died? Nothing? Would I just cease to exist? Would I be sent to Purgatory as I had believed as a child. Long ago, I had abandoned those beliefs, but what if it were true? What if I were to be tortured before I was released? How long before I could escape? What if there was no Purgatory and only Hell? Did any Heavenly place exist? Surely God would not allow me entrance. For all the Evil I had done in my Life, I could not imagine that happening. If there were a Heaven and a Hell, I would not make it to the first, I was sure. A tear slipped out of my eye as I realized that there was no chance for Redemption left.  
I barely felt the medics lifting me from the ground. I could barely hear my friend's hand squeezing mine one last time, his voice whispering, “Hang on, Emily.” The sound of the doors of the ambulance slamming was dull to my ears. I didn't feel their hands on me, trying to stabilize me. All I could feel was myself slipping away.... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I awoke, I was lying on my back on a hard, cold floor, almost like the warehouse. A sharp Light was above me. A bare light bulb hung from a string, piercing my eyes.  
A breath gasped into my lungs, and I sat up straight, my eyes immediately darting around. The only Light was the naked bulb. All around me was Black, endless Black. Although there was a floor beneath me, I could not see any walls around me. I felt as if I were to walk in one direction, it would go forever, as would the other directions.  
I looked down to find that I was still in the same clothes as at the warehouse. However, the stake was gone. I pulled up my shirt, unable to believe it. When my eyes found my stomach, all I could see was smooth white ivory skin, just as before. I pressed my fingers against the flesh where the stake had been. Nothing. There was no blemish. I sat there, dumbfounded for another second, examining the untainted skin in the faint Light of the bulb.  
“Hello.” A Voice interrupted my reverie.  
My head shot up. Somehow, I had had a feeling that no one else would be Here.  
“Hello.” I replied, seeing no one at first. I pushed myself off the floor. My voice echoed even though I knew it shouldn't because there were no walls for the sound to bounce off of. “Hello.” I repeated, stepping forward. My boots clicked loudly on the floor.  
A cold breeze suddenly rushed over me, and I hugged myself, rubbing my palms over my arms. “Hello.” I shivered, thinking that I had never felt such a frigid wind. It seemed to cut right through me, straight to my heart, stopping it, freezing it.  
“I've been waiting for you.” The Voice said. It was coming from somewhere in the Dark outside the bulb's swath of Light. “I knew you were coming.”  
“How did you know?” I asked, stepping forward once more, my eyes searching the Dark beyond. However, my eyes would not adjust to the lighting.  
“You are connected to me. How could I not know?”  
“Who are you?”  
“Who do you think I am?”  
Silence. My eyes still searched. I took another step, but faltered, as I realized that the Light from the bulb didn't spread very far. If I walked away, I was afraid I wouldn't find my way back to the Light.  
“I don't know who you are.” I said, softly. “But all I want is to go Home.”  
A sharp chuckle cut through me, almost like the cold wind. It was a cruel laugh that sent shudders of a new kind skittering through me.  
“Home.” The Voice said. His tone was no longer kind as before. “You are Home, Emily. This is where you were always meant to end up.”  
“But....” I whispered.  
“Don't you like it Here? That's what everyone thinks when they first come Here, but put your trust in me, child, you belong Here.” His Voice had softened again, and he added, in a hissing whisper, “You belong to me.”  
“No, no.” I said, backing up now. “I don't belong to anyone.” I found the Light, and stood directly under it, finding a some warmth although it was quite small.  
“Yes, you do. You don't think so right now, but you will. Once you see me, you will know where you belong.”  
“Why don't you show yourself now?” I asked.  
“The Light hasn't gone out yet.”  
“What does the Light mean?” I asked, glancing up at the swinging bulb.  
There was a strained silence, and I could almost hear the Voice's frustration. “It doesn't matter.” He said at last. “But as soon as the Light goes out, I will show you my face.”  
“But if the Light goes out.... I won't be able to see you.” I said, shivering once more as the wind blew softly around me. If it hadn't been so cold, it might have been comforting.  
“When the Light goes out, you will be able to see me because you will be able to see my Light.” He explained. “While you wait for the Light to go out, talk with me.” His voice was soothing now, urging me to do so. It was almost a compulsion, so strong I could hardly ignore it.  
“I don't know.” I whispered, backing up again but still staying within the circle of Light.  
“You must learn to stay away from that Light. It will destroy you.”  
“How will it destroy me?” I asked.  
“It will take you away from Here.” He responded. “And neither you nor I would want that to happen, would we?”  
I didn't answer, not sure of what I would say if I spoke. I knew that I didn't like it Here, but I wasn't sure whether I wanted to say that to the Voice or not. Even though I couldn't see him, and he hadn't said anything too threatening yet, I had the distinct feeling that I didn't want to make him mad. Maybe it was too many years of working with the BAU, maybe it was just women's intuition, but I didn't say anything negative.  
Suddenly, the Light flickered above me, startling me. I glanced up to see the swinging Light was become duller. “No.” I whispered. Although I wasn't completely sure of the why, I didn't want that Light to go out.  
“Yes.” The Voice's whisper was accompanied with another chilling breeze. I wrapped my arms around myself again, nearly cowering under the dying bulb.  
“Come to me, Emily.” He said. “This Life will be better than anything you had on the Other Side of that Light. Just walk to me and we will go away from this Place.”  
“No.” I answered almost immediately. I was now almost certain that the Voice had evil intentions. “I want to go Home. Let me go.” The Light flickered brighter for a second with my strong words, then faded again.  
“I'm sorry, Emily. I am not the one keeping you Here. Only you yourself can find your way to the Other Side.”  
“Liar.” I whispered through clenched teeth, shivering harder. The temperature felt like it was thirty below zero.  
“I'm afraid not.” His tone was that of a father correcting his child. I shuddered when I remembered that he had called me “child”.  
“The only liars that exist are in the world that you inhabited before....” His voice became that chilling whisper once more. “But not anymore.”  
“No. There's still a chance. The Light hasn't gone out yet!” I protested, glancing up at the Light.  
“It's not as bright as it used to be. And, admit it, you wanted to die. You said it yourself.”  
Tears stung my eyes as I realized that he was right. The Light was duller than ever before, and I had said the words. Let me go. I could've just as well have said, Let me die.  
“I don't want to stay Here.” I whimpered, thinking that I had never sounded so pathetic in my Life.  
“Don't you? Your Light is almost gone.” He sounded perversely pleased. “Don't you want to see my face, Emily. I swear to you that if you see my face then you will want to stay Here with me. Once you see who I am...”  
“No.” My voice was even more weak than before, the Light fading worse than the last time. “NO!” I felt like I was screaming, but only a dull, horse, whisper emanated. I lifted my hands towards the light bulb, reaching for the Life that lay just beyond. “No, no, please...” A single tear slipped from eye. It didn't even have time to hit the floor before I was plunged into Darkness, my last lifeline dying into nothingness....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I searched the Darkness, unable to see anything at first. My arms swept though the empty air, trying to find purchase, feeling nothing. I screamed when the floor suddenly collapsed beneath me. In a second I was falling blindly, unable to see up or down, not knowing where I was falling to. My throat felt raw as I continued to fall My arms and legs kicked uselessly, my hair wrapping around my face.  
Strangely, the temperature wasn't getting colder as I would've expected upon getting closer to Death. Instead, it was getting warmer. Almost comfortable, but not quite.  
I was jarred when out of nowhere, a floor materialized beneath me. I hit hard, cracking the back of my head on the hard floor. My tailbone screamed out in pain as well as my back. I lay on the floor for a moment, groaning. My body pulsated with pain, and I was all too aware of the fact that unlike before, I could now feel every hint of it flaring down my nerve endings. Above, when I had been talking to Voice, I had felt nothing but the cold. Here, the temperature was my last concern. I could barely move, and I felt as if my back were broken.  
“The pain will cease in a few moments.”  
I groaned when I realized that it was the same Voice as before.  
“Who are you?” I whispered around the pain. “Why are you Here?”  
“To Save you.” He said.  
“You said you would show your face. In your Light.” I turned my head, feeling my neck crunch. I ignored the throbbing pain, and searched for him. There was a reddish hue coming from somewhere, bathing my surroundings in its glow.  
I heard the scuff of shoes, and my eyes narrowed as I tried to ascertain where they were coming from. A flash of movement caught my eyes and I latched on. A pair of shoes came into my line of vision, then legs. He stoppd for a moment, saying, “I promised that you would want to stay when you saw my face. I intend to keep that promise.”  
The red color grew, spilling out from beneath his shoes and crawling up his legs. I watched in wonder, as his body came slowly into the Light. Ignoring the pain in my body, I made myself sit up. I could feel my bones moving back into place, almost as if they were healing. But I barely noticed the transformation. All I could pay attention to was the man coming into the Light in front of me as I sat at his feet.  
The red crawled over his arms and chest and I could see that he was wearing a suit, his hands stuffed comfortably in his pockets. Something about his stance reminded me of someone I had seen before.  
Held in tense silence, I watched, motionless, as the red met his neck, his chin, mouth, nose, eyes, until his entire body pulsated the crimson color.  
When I saw his face I felt like I couldn't breathe, as if all of the air had been sucked right out of my lungs. “What?” I whispered, staring at his face. “No, it can't be! You're not dead!” I jumped to my feet, my body entirely healed now.  
“I'm Here with you, Emily.” Derek Morgan said, stepping forward.  
“No, no. You're just imitating him! You're not real! You never were!” I felt like I was hyperventilating, though I wasn't sure it was possible in this Place. I stumbled back, my eyes wide with disbelief. “I can't be.” I whispered again.  
“I knew you would want me to be Here.” Derek said. “Now I am. Come with me.” He removed his hand from his pocket and held it out to me.  
“No. You're trying to trick me.” I shook my head violently. “You're just trying to get me to go with you. I won't. I already told you, I don't want to be Here.”  
“It's all right, Emily. You don't have to be afraid now. I'm Here.” He still held out his hand, beckoning.  
“No. You're not Derek.” I backed away from his outstretched hand.  
“I'm Here for you, Emily.” He smiled softly. “I always have been.”  
“No. You don't know anything about Derek. You don't have a clue about our relationship.” I felt my voice begin to quaver. Our relationship. Oh, how I had screwed it up... and now, I might never be able to fix it. If I died, Derek would never know how sorry I was. The rest of the team would never know....  
“I want my Light back.” I ordered, forcing steel into my tone.  
“It's too late, Emily.” The faux Derek said, making an advance towards me.  
“No. No, its not. I'm not dead yet.” I insisted. “I want my Light back. I want it back, now.” I felt a tear spill down my cheek but I didn't move to wipe it away.  
Derek's face twisted with rage, but it was wrong on his features. I had seen Derek angry before, and this was not him. I stepped back as I watched the Darkness overshadow the red lighting, his face morphing into... The Blackness washed over him just before I saw his true face. I could still his body, his clothing changing as well. He still wore the jacket, but the shirt underneath sparkled in the sparse Light, an array of jewels layering his chest. Red, green, purple, blue and so many others that I couldn't even name winked at me from beneath the jacket. It took my breath away, but at the same time, I saw the hint of charcoal colored wings folded behind him, darkened by a fallen angel's sins.  
I jerked when his voice came again, different this time, angry and commanding. Its harsh tones resonated loudly in my ears as he bellowed, “You are mine, Emily Prentiss! You will never be free! You are mine!”  
A scrape of shoes behind me drew attention. I spun around, catching glimpses of shadows drawing near.  
“Take her!” The Voice boomed, sounding almost like the crack of thunder.  
The shadows turned to a flurry of movement and I screamed as the hands reached towards me, Their strong grip surrounded my limbs, nearly bonecrushing. I heard the beating of several more blackened wings as they pulled at me. My wild, wide-eyed gaze caught The Voice standing a few feet away. In the Darkness, I thought I saw the glint of his teeth as he gave a cold smile.  
Fear suddenly gripped my chest. This was it. If I lost this battle now, I would never see the Other Side of that Light again. A sob wracked my chest as the nails, the claws, dug into my flesh, tearing at my clothing. “No.” I was nearly hyperventilating, my voice barely a whisper at first. “No! No!” I forced her voice louder, and it lifted to the pitch of hysteria. “God, no, please!” The muscles of my neck strained as I looked upward. “Please.” Tears slid out of the corners of my eyes as I begged, praying for the first time in years. “God, please, don't let me die! I don't want to die!”  
I heard a shriek from behind me at my supplication. The hands gripped me harder, pulling me away.  
“Oh, Jesus, please!” My chest heaved as I felt my body succumbing, my mind slipping. “I don't want to die...” I whimpered as my head fell, my chin lowering to my chest.  
This is it. My Life is over. They'll never know that I was sorry... so sorry...  
I felt my body go numb, weightless. I couldn't feel the hands at my body anymore, but I couldn't see anything. I felt a second of nothingness pass, and then suddenly, through the Dark, I saw it. A single Light hanging from a string, swaying softly.  
A sob of thankfulness seized my chest. Hope soared through me. My hands lifted towards the life-giving Light, my Salvation.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took a gasping breath, felt the air rush into my lungs. A blip of a monitor sounded in my ears.  
“She's back.” A relieved voice sounded far away, but wonderfully tangible.  
My eyelids fluttered before opening slightly. My eyes found an EMT below the roof of an ambulance. I could faintly hear the sirens outside the vehicle. The man above me was still holding the defib paddles. I wanted to reach up and touch him, tell him that he had saved my Life. He had given me my Light back. But I couldn't speak, my throat too tight with emotion. A hot tear slipped out of my eye.  
I felt a dull throb in my stomach, but I didn't try to look down. No doubt, they hadn't removed the stake yet, only given me morphine to manage the pain.  
“Hang in there.” The EMT said. “You gave us a good scare.” He patted my hand before returning to his work.  
I gazed up at the ceiling of the ambulance, felt my breathing hitch. I bit at my lip, but the emotion was too strong to conceal. I had almost died. In fact, I was sure that I had for a few seconds. The horror of those long minutes in the Underworld clung to me. I doubted the sound of The Voice would leave me for a while. But... he didn't win. I did. I thought. I still had a chance to make everything right someday. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday. That was enough to ease the pain of my hurt of all my ruined relationships, of all the hurt feelings, of everything that had gone wrong, of all my mistakes.  
My eyes had been opened. I had been wrong to tell Derek to let me go. I now knew that I would rather deal with the pain here than the horror on the Other Side of the Light. My hope had been renewed and maybe even a little of my Faith. I never want to go back to that cold, dark Place to face the horrors of Afterlife alone. Instead, I would gladly face tomorrow, and whatever else it held.


End file.
